Motorized Ice Cream Cones and Floating Campgrounds: 14 of the Wackiest Summer Fun Patents

The patent for the body sail, from 1973, says the average recreational mini boat is flimsy and too expensive. So why not strap sails and a mast to your torso and feet to turn your body into a sailboat? The inventor, Raymond C. Dansereau of St Petersburg, Florida, later made another human-sailboat hybrid, with a larger sail and greater stability. It looks like fun; we’re a little bummed we can’t find one on Amazon.

Because picnicking in just one place gets boring, am I right? This 2003 patent is for a picnic table mounted to a drive mechanism, with fenders to “to protect the feet and legs of picnickers using the table from the wheels when the table is in motion.”  The inventors suggest the table would be useful for moving quickly out of the sun and into the shade, and would be a “fun way to increase socialization with other picnickers.” We can’t disagree.

But who will watch your picnic basket while you’re riding your mobile picnic table into the sunset? This 1984 patent has your back. It’s a lockable picnic chest atop an anchoring device resembling a large screw that can be driven into the soil or sand, thus making it impossible for thieves to pick up and run away with.

For those times when licking your ice cream cone gets too tiring, this 1998 patent will come to your rescue. Insert a cup or cone into the device, and a motor will make it spin, thus “rotationally feeding its contents against a person’s outstretched tongue.”

If you’re looking for a more adult frozen treat, this 1982 patent for a “frozen beer or a frozen wine mounted upon a stick” might be just your speed. 

If you plan to indulge in a little scuba diving this summer, be glad it’s 2017, not 1922, when this diving suit was patented. Developed by Danish inventor Einar Jensen Valeur, a resident of the Dominican Republic, the suit is intended for exploring rivers and lakes, and for underwater prospecting. A tall funnel poking above the surface allows the user to breathe, but is so heavy it must be suspended by a pulley system. It would be another twenty-plus years before Jacques Cousteau invented the modern scuba system.

Another entry in the annals of strange swimming devices, this 1956 patent will turn you into what looks like a tadpole, allowing you to glide through the water while keeping your face dry inside a clear, bullet-shaped helmet.

Another 1920s invention, this whirling sparkler is “a toy adapted to produce a shower of colored sparks” by rubbing metal against a “pyrophoric material.” While it sounds very festive for the 4th of July, we’re guessing current safety regulations frown upon toys that rain fire upon children.

Filed during the 1970s energy crisis that sent gas prices skyrocketing, this patent is for several interconnected barges that serve as a “floating campground” for RVs. The barges would “travel over inland waterways, while campers live in their vehicles and enjoy the facilities provided on board.” The facilities would include a swimming pool, restaurant and lounge area, allowing vacationers to enjoy a “unique flexible vacation environment” while saving on gas.