Code Blue! Stat!

Is it so hard to stop erecting headlines about Viagra? The blue pill pumps out an unseemly marathon of the ultimate news fodder, because it instantly grabs the attention of baby boomers (the only folks who watch network news and read dead-tree periodicals). It also, of course, allows dull publications a chance to spice up coverage with wink-and-nudge sexploitation. Because, you see, it's all about the SmutScience! The Science of Viagra. 

Like this investigation into the biochemistry involved in a guy in Australia who is selling Viagra-fed oysters. Or the environmental and agricultural implications of Malaysian research into "walnut Viagra." Or an article in Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences about Viagra and the boomer woe of jet lag. Pfizer's blue panacea also saves your baby's life and helps your child breathe! (Unless it's busy making you blind, making your snoring worse or spreading HIV!)

When Viagra lasts too long, aren't you supposed to call the authorities or something? Can someone please make that call. Ideally, five years ago.